For everybody knows that it requires very little to satisfy the gentlemen, if a woman will only give her mind to it. – Margaret Oliphant
Greetings, Blogosphere and my long alienated readership,
I undoubtedly, missed you and promise not to abandon you for long stretches of time again. Though I believe you were as informed as you could be prior to my hiatus.
Quick update. Rally the Gentlemen 2012 is still in effect and I’ll start posting to that aim soon. August is my third alcohol-free month. I’m irritated. Not depressed.
Depressed gives way to scenes of morose brooding, devastating sadness, a certain grief-fueled energy that attaches itself to every aspect of a life, so affected.
None of the above descriptions are me. They weren’t me.
The dissolution of my marriage and my current, less than amazing work situation are not the catalysts of a depression addled life. They are reaffirmations that I’m once again in the right and in-fact, surrounded by self-serving, morons.
I’ve been saddled with coworkers, despite being caught in lies, continue to not be forthwith or ally them with a form of communication that lends to the success of our mission or truthiness.
I’m getting older. I’m trying my hardest not to plaster my gray hairs with all of the blame for me becoming an irritated, reclusive man.
I am a Man. Despite the recent statements read on one- soon-to-be-ex-wife’s Match.com profile, I am a Man.
Men in this day and age are becoming harder and harder to come-by. My Manhood came into question at multiple times during the initial phases of my divorce. Mostly, jabs at my character for walking away from a vow I made to her and before an almighty God.
I believe a Man’s, Manness, could potentially lie in his ability to make the calculated decision to un-saddle himself from a rider who is neither concerned with his well-being or station in life.
I refuse to engage in petty postings about trivial nonsense surrounding the I said, she said, drivel that so many take to the web to promote.
I will use examples to explain Manness and the systematic castration of Men in our society.
Back to my, Man as a Race Horse – analogy.
A rider, who doesn’t want to win races with the Race Horse, should no more be its rider than a politician running for an office he can’t picture himself ever attaining the office he seeks.
In order to win races with the Race Horse, the Race Horse must be kept in shape, not bothered by trivial minutia. The Race Horse must be allowed the space necessary to actively engage his mind and/or body – without concern for the rider’s actions. The Race Horse must be ready at all times and at all times be poised to win.
The rider must also be in top shape in both mind and body, apart from the Race Horse. The rider must study strategy and by using the strengths of the Race Horse mold a plan to bring his/her strengths to form a seamless union, catapulting them to victory.
The Race Horse must be able to trust the rider. Inversely, the rider must be able to trust the Race Horse.
The Race Horse must never question the intentions or goals of the rider. The Race Horse must eventually be brought to a point of trust where he is not a fool to always assume the rider is only concerned with their success as a team and is prepared to give 100% to that goal.
The rider must trust the Race Horse will protect from falling, protect from other horses, and be strong and available to the rider. The rider must get to the point where the assumption that the Race Horse will always give 100% of himself to the point of exhaustion is not a wasted assumption.
The castration of Men in society is happening and has been happening for years.
Men are no longer the masters of their own domain. There is a weakening of resolve; relegating Men to an almost side-kick status to the point where I’m not surprised people have problems taking them seriously.
Men are no longer living by any sort of credo, worthy of emulation or honor.
There is a distinct lack of honesty and for some reason Men are trying to operate outside of the realm of logic and reason.
I am perfectly prepared for the backlash that I did not do the honorable thing by initiating my divorce.
I will give you this in response:
My decision to get divorced was purely based on self-preservation. I found my love of life slipping away from me as my life progressed through the cyclic silliness; my soon-to-be-ex-wife was so keen on perpetuating. I had never had one suicidal thought prior to the last year of my marriage. Not so during that last year.
My advice: Do not ever make excuses or dismiss anything that initially gives you pause. People learn and can subsequently change. People who refuse to learn…never change. More often than not someone with a distinct lack of pattern recognition skills will never learn. If something about your significant other makes you double-take, address it immediately. If you don’t get a suitable answer it’s up to you to weigh the pros and cons. If after this period of weighing, pros and cons, ends with even one con more than the pro. End it.
Life is way too short to be a slave to silliness.
Sometimes the Man thing to do is take it on the chin, pull chocks and start over.
My bankroll was about 7k lighter, but my peace of mind was worth it.
Some words of encouragement: Oftentimes if you are the one breaking off the relationship and you have gone through the processes to save it, i.e. counseling, church etc. You will be comforted to see your wayward former partner continue to repeat and live in a pit of cyclic silliness. You will see multiple forms of validation that you made the right choice to leave.
People may decide to try and combat you with the Bible. God hates divorce. Sure, He hates murders, too. We are living in an age of grace…should we go out and go bonkers because we can? Of course not, but sometimes there doesn’t seem like a way out and certain steps and actions need to be taken. If God’s grace and forgiveness is extended to murderers and rapists, I am fully confident in my ability to be forgiven for making the mistake of getting married and eventually divorced.
We have finite minds. We don’t make the right choice all the time. We can’t expect to get everything right. I needed a do-over. End of story.
Back to Men –
Men, we aren’t always going to be right. There is something to be said for a Man willing to admit that. There is strength in having the wherewithal to come forward and admit a mistake. Do what you can to not make that mistake again.
Men, keep your word. If you say you are going to do something, do it. (Again I feel I will be accused of not keeping my word with my divorce. She didn’t keep hers either. I’ll get to that.) If you slip up see the first point, above. Learn from it.
Men, be honest. If you are thinking something, bring it up. If you are in a relationship, with the right mindset, your honesty will hold it together. Honestly may also tear it apart if what you are being honest about isn’t something she wants to hear…but either way…pine after a clear conscience. Be honest.
Men, be accessible, both physically and emotionally. This plays back into honesty. If you are sad…be sad. If your lady is sad and needs a hug…hug her. Hold her. Protect her. For too long the image of Man, was emotionally inaccessible, robot person. No one wants that. Be there for her.
I’m writing this at work…I’ll be back. I promise.
Be Gentleman, Gentlemen.