I’m throwing this nugget out there to help the wayward man muddle through his relationships. I’ve touched on this before in previous posts, but now it holds special meaning because I’ve almost been married for a year.
When asked by my waxing lady,”What’s the secret to a good marriage?”
“Sh*t, that’s a good one…,” I pondered a bit. “Honesty, communication…don’t screw before you get married so you actually get to know your potential husband or wife…”
“That sounds like pretty go advice,” she thanked me.
I got to thinking in the shower, just now, those are important but not nearly as important as having ZERO expectations. I can see the scrunched up faces of women reading this just as clearly as I see the men’s inquisitive ones.
Really! Keep them at zero and everything your spouse does will be a gesture of love and affection.
I expect nothing more from my wife than faithfulness and love. I don’t expect her to cook my dinner, fold my clothes, match my socks or any other mundane household chore. I don’t wake up expecting a fresh pot of coffee, a prepared lunch or my gym bag packed.
I’m a self-sufficient man.
I’ll do my laundry how I like, I can cook like a champ and I’m up in the morning with a start! If I were to wait for the wiffle to wake up, I’d be three hours late to work every morning.
There is an inverse to this scenario: when my wife does my laundry, I thank her, I appreciate it when she packs a lunch or cooks dinner…etc.
This goes both ways, ladies. I can feel every punch in the arm you give your hubby or boyfriend as you read the first part.
How about not expecting us to do things around the house…? I married my wife not my mom. I don’t expect a chore list when I wake up in the morning. The chores-before-you-play scenario went out the window with the rock music embargo I grew up with. All moms have qualities we want in our wives. My mother is very intelligent as is my wife. She’s loving and caring, again, so is my wife. My mother is an attractive women, my wife is smokin‘ hot. My mother at one point dictated my very existence, my wife wasn’t given that power.
Imagine how much you’d appreciate the laundry your man does, mixed darks and lights and all. (Tide Coldwater) Imagine how much more willing he’d be to do little things around the house if you didn’t get pissy when they didn’t get done? If you didn’t expect him to do it and it got done…BAM! Party sex. Word.
Dudes, my last point is only in play if YOU ACTUALLY DO THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE! You can’t pick and choose your way through this advice. Take it one. Take it all.
Ladies, remember when the stuff gets done, too. I took it upon myself to clean our bathrooms this past weekend…from floor to ceiling…or ceiling to floor. I’m going to call that by this weekend I’m going to be accused of not pulling my weight around the house. Not cool.
This theory can apply to anything — smoking, don’t expect them to quit. Voice your concern, offer assistance and walk away. Then you’ll find yourself not mad months down the road after they don’t quit and how happy you’ll be if they do.
Weight-loss is another hard one for either side of the relationship. Don’t expect them to have the discipline to do anything about it. It isn’t an issue. Then if they stay the same…you still love them…if they lose it…you love them in dirty ways in public places…
These are just a few examples and I’m only dispensing this advice to two married people or well established couples. This advice is for the relationship that starts to get nit-picky as it ages…the relationship that’s just as sweet as day one but with fewer secrets and more shared memories.
This is the advice that saves marriages because when this method is employed it gives way to less bickering and more loving.
Love the one you’re with, for who they are. I’m not advocating infidelity or anything extreme. This is for the day-to-day.
I know you work full-time. Remember I do, too. I love you more than anything. Remind me you do, too.
Chicas, ease up. Dudes, put out as much for housework as you do in the sack. Chicas again, with less housework to do there’s more time to vaca in O-Town.
Thanks for reading,